Baby

January 30th, 2011

8:30 AM- I open my eyes, suddenly awake, & stand up. I feel a slight pressure & see the water hit the floor. It's baby time. I soak through 2 towels waiting to get my bag & the car ready. The excitement is lurking like a wave under the surface, ready to break on the shore. The towels are really getting squishy. There's no way the human body can hold this much liquid.

9:00 AM- At the hospital, the contractions come very slowly. I can barely feel any movement at all. I'm at 4 cm, so the doctor approves my stay. It's all about to begin. Mom & Bryan stay with me while Dad heads home to prepare the family. They put the heart monitor on my abdomen, and the wooshing of the baby's little heart fills the room. We will spend the next several hours listening to the little guy.

12:00 PM- What feels like 30 min is actually 3 hours later. I lay in bed & feel as the contractions get slowly more intense. They are still very weak compared to the ones from the week prior however. Bryan & mom spend the time calling all the relatives to let them know the big day is here. I'm very excited & eager for things to speed up.

Sara, Wes, Rusty & Erin visit throughout the whole process; Erin brings me cookies & milk;Bryan runs to get snacks & unwind.

3:00/30 PM- The contractions get a little more intense. I get stuck at 6 cm, the doctor wants to give me Pictocin to push past. I opt for an IV of Nubain to take off the slight edge I'm feeling, & feel instantly groggy & spacey. This stuff kicks morphine's ass. They never give me the Pictocin because I begin to progress again.

6:00 PM- Finally decide on an epidural, just as a precaution. I'm not really in pain, but really am aching and want things to go smoothly. Each contraction causes Edwin's heart rate to slow, so they give me an oxygen mask. The doctor comes in to check me, and gives the verdict "We can begin in 20 or 3o min." I ask the nurse to get Bryan & Mom from the hallway.

6:20/30 PM- I'm in the midst of pushing, Bryan by my head holding my hand, Mom at my right leg. I'm not feeling anything other than the pressure below, and with each push Edwin gets a little closer. However, his head refuses to cooperate, so they grab the 'baby vacuum' to help him out. (laugh)

6:48 PM- Edwin David . Born 7 lbs 10.3 ounces, 21 inches long. Bright blue eyes & curly light brown hair, and a curious gaze at everything & everyone in the room. Bryan & I couldn't be happier.

When you think about it...

It's been a really really long time since I've had any sort of motivation to write. Guess that happens when your brain starts getting sucked out by your uterus (ha). I've got about 5 weeks to go, though it feels like this is going to be ongoing for the rest of my life. In a way, it is. I mean, minus the obvious of there being an infant in the picture, I don't think once your brain & body have gone through pregnancy you're ever truly back to homeostasis afterward (baby to full term or not).

When you consider not just the mental & physical drain on the mother-to-be but also how it affects those around her, I doubt even the world snaps back into any kind of order. You hear lots of people say:

"My life wasn't complete until I had my kids.."

They're wrong. Well, they're right AND wrong. Sure, they have a sense of fulfillment after taking care of kids, a sense of 'productivity' by readying them for the world and the society they will shape. However, they're wrong if they think they were not 'whole people' before. That's like saying anyone who does not have children is a shell of a human being. Many many people never have children and they are perfectly rounded and content with who they are.

The point is that while they were whole people before, they are more conscious people now. They are more in tune with the needs of others, or at least aware of them regardless of if they take action. Being aware of the others around you is so physically and emotionally important, that once we lose that feeling of other people, we lose part of our humanity. Considering that new parent/s will have the presence of another human being(baby) around practically 24/7 they have a stronger feeling of 'oneness' with themselves for taking care of another human.

That mental connection with another person on top of learning to tend to their own physical needs will stick with them no matter what. As much as moms are self-sacrificing, they really do not give so much as they receive. For each hour of sleep lost, a mom gains resilience. For each tipped over plate of spaghetti a mom gains patience. For every scraped knee, a mom gains compassion. For every temper tantrum a mom gains restraint. For each kiss goodnight a mom gains love.

In their lives with their children moms do nothing but receive and receive, much more so than they give. They are physically & mentally different people, and will be more themselves now than they have ever been.